Elizabeth Crary, a parent and educator from Seattle, addressed an audience of professional child care workers at the [1994] National Association for the Education of Young Children conference in Anaheim, California. Crary's session dealt with the emotions of young children and was entitled "Mad Is Not Bad." She focused on the special needs which children have in responding to their feelings.
Crary stressed the point that feelings in and of themselves are neither "good" nor "bad" Feelings just "are."
All feelings have three components: Emotional, physical, and behavioral. Each person chooses one of these components to express his/her emotions. Children also need to be developmentally ready to deal with feelings. They need to have vocabulary skills, an understanding of the nature of feelings, and an awareness of alternate ways to respond to feelings.
What can child care providers do in order to promote positive growth as children confront their emotions?
First, Crary recommends introducing different words in our language to children, words that help express feelings -- "happy," "sad," "mad," "angry," or "hurt," for example. As a child care professional, you should focus on paying attention to the ways in which children wish their feelings to be expressed.
Second, we can help children to label -- or name -- their feelings. Ask several questions: What is the child doing at the time? How does the child look or appear? What does the child say? What does the child not say?
Children need to know that feelings are not for "always" and that feelings do change. They also need to know that often people will feel differently about the same thing, and that is OK.
When children express feelings, help them to know that feelings are on the "inside" and actions are on the "outside." Actions can be changed if that is needed or desired.
To get rid of feelings, it helps for the child to calm down and substitute another action. Crary suggested several possible alternative actions during times of anger. The child can redirect energy by tearing newspapers, stamping feet, or dancing.
Studies show that short movements such as hitting actually keep the emotion of anger at the same level, or even increases it. Long physical movements (such as running, swinging, twirling, or dancing) decrease anger.
Ways for children to express their feelings verbally can include writing a story, singing, growling, or using a mean voice. Visual/mental techniques can also be used by counting to ten, deep breathing, finding a place to go when angry, or listening to relaxing music.
As child care providers, Crary suggests simply listening to the child, acknowledging the child's feelings, setting limits to their actions, and offering to help the child redirect anger.
Finally, it is very important to remember that you are a role-model for the child. In this way, you can help teach the child that calmness and clear thinking about behavior are vital factors in expressing feelings appropriately.
From the March, 1994, issue of The Teddy Bear.
