One of the occasional difficult times of being a day care provider is dealing with kids when they refuse to behave. We need to learn how to change this bad behavior and effectively diffuse the energy of naughty children. The best way to cope is through understanding why children behave poorly:
- Control. In a world which is dominated by adults, children often feel that they have no power and no control. They try to get the upper hand by manipulating a situation so that their parents, teachers, and other authorities are left feeling helpless.
- Attention. Kids may feel neglected when they are "good" and act positively. They hope to get more attention through some negative behavior.
- Revenge. Sometimes children are unintentionally hurt. They want to get back at adults because they feel temporarily unloved.
- Frustration. A lack of success can be discouraging for children. They may feel there is no hope for success, and they may misbehave to keep adults from expecting anything from them.
The Wrong Tactics Only Lead to Frustration:
- Yelling will not get you anywhere. When you shout, you only fuel the child's desire for you to lose control.
- Promises of punishment that go unfulfilled will not teach kids that their behavior will not be tolerated.
- Ignoring the child will only cause louder and longer outbursts.
Effective Tactics:
- Focus on the child's strengths. Compliments and rewards for good behavior will go a long way towards letting the child know that you are paying attention.
- Keep your cool in times of stress. This is especially true when children are trying your patience with misbehavior. When the power is clearly in your hands, children will quickly learn that attempts to seize control are futile.
- Set consistent guidelines. Kids need to know -- without doubt -- what they can and cannot do.
- Read between the lines. Kids do not always know how to express their feelings. Their misbehavior may indicate that they are feeling lonely, tired, or left out.
- Reinforce with affection. Smiles and hugs will let children know that they have successfully improved their behavior.
From the August, 1994, issue of The Teddy Bear.
