Dawn's Diary - Atlanta Conference (Dawn Peter of Herman, Minnesota, attended the national child care conference in Atlanta in April, 1990. This article is adapted from her report on one of the workshops.)

The workshop was led by Marjorie Danforth, president of the Family Day Care Association of California. She operates a family day care home serving 12 children. In her presentation, she discussed ways of helping children with behavior problems. Often, these are the children that providers "don't like." One result of these problems can be the child's sense of rejection, failure, and loss of self-esteem.

Children's behavior problems can be grouped into five categories:

1. The Negative Child is sullen and refuses to do what is asked. This child will often pout or quit a task because of failure or anticipated failure. Often an underachiever, such a child can develop negative relationships with other people. To help this child, providers should: Focus on situations in which the child is co-operative; ignore confrontations; reduce failure by reducing the level of expectation; and reward their accomplishments.

2. The Impulsive Child wants to be first and is extremely competitive, rushing without thinking. Thought and planning follow rather than precede actions. To help this child, providers should: Have structure and limit choice-making; do tasks in a step-by-step manner; reduce stimulation; reduce pressure; and give the child "quiet space" to slow down.

3. The Passive-Dependent Child is the child who shows no initiative. Nonaggressive and seeming to be immature, these children will express anger indirectly. They may procrastinate and be silent when they do not understand. To help this child, providers should: Catch these kids when they are being good; decide what to ignore and what to reinforce; and praise the child's attempts at assertiveness or risk-taking.

4. The Anxious Child is often frightened or worried, being afraid to attempt new tasks. Because they are so preoccupied with their anxieties, these children can seem intellectually dull. To help this child, providers should: Reduce the criteria for success; try to structure the environment to guarantee success; help the child fully understand what is expected of him/her; and reduce competitiveness.

5. The Explosive Child "blows" at the least provocation. Prone to screaming, crying, or shouting, these are the destructive children who often abuse both themselves and others. To help this child, providers should: Help the child relax; acknowledge his/her anger and define the reaction; give the child an alternate behavior; support and reassure this child; follow through with consequences of their actions, but avoid arguing and value judgements; and make sure these children cannot hurt themselves or others when they seem to be "exploding."

In addition to urging parents and providers to use these same techniques for helping children with such behavior problems, Marjorie Danforth also outlined "The Three Commandments" of child behavior which are followed in her day care home:

• You may not hurt yourself.

• You may not hurt others.

• You may not hurt things.

Other recommendations which can be followed in helping children to learn to act appropriately include:

1. Children must learn to inhibit unacceptable behaviors which they naturally show (such as yelling or hitting).

2. They must be encouraged to show positive behaviors which they may not naturally show (such as sharing or helping around the house).

3. They must understand why it is important to act and behave in a certain way.

These are large challenges for parents and providers. But they are challenges which are placed on our shoulders. Research has shown that children are more likely to develop self-control and good behavior patterns when adults explain why it is important to act appropriately, when adults help the child understand how his/her actions affect others, and when adults teach the child acceptable behavior alternatives.

Here are a couple "real-life" examples:

• Brian hits Mary with a stick when she refuses to give him some blocks. What do you do? You could explode and shout at Brian, but will that really help the situation? Instead, you can say, "Brian, I can't let you hit Mary because it hurts her. Look how Mary is crying. Do you remember how you cried when you hurt your knee yesterday? That's how Mary feels right now. If you want some blocks say, 'Mary, may I have some blocks, please?'" -- This approach will help Brian develop compassion for others, helping him control his urge to hit in the future. It also teaches him an acceptable way to get blocks.

• Children often fall into disputes and fights over toys. They can be possessive and do not like to hear the word "share." Maybe there's another approach. Ask each child's permission to share the toys without actually using the "S"-word. For example, when you see a fight coming, try this: "Brian, Mary had that toy first. When she's through I think she will give it to you. Mary, you can play with that toy, but would you give it to Brian when you are finished?"

Taken together, these guidelines and techniques can help every provider give the additional care needed by children with behavior problems.

From the July, 1990, issue of The Teddy Bear.