Many providers choose family child care as a career because it allows them to earn family income and spend time with their children. That's one of the positive things about a home-based business. Another is the interaction one's own children receive with their extended day care family.
A negative aspect for your own children is sharing their mom/dad, home, toys, etc. for so many hours out of the day. Your own children can easily resent the day care children as being "intruders" into their domain, "disrupting" their quality of life.
Since children don't often easily tell us why they have negative feelings, they may act out their resentments in other ways. This can lead to disruptive behavior.
We know that all children need love, attention, and guidance. Sometimes the job of making one's own children feel special when others are around will be a challenge for you. These suggestions may help.
- Many providers report that drop-off and pick-up times are extremely stressful times of the day. One provider suggested that after the last child has been picked up for the day, you should go out the door and come back in, just as if you are returning from work. Then hug, kiss, and give lots of attention to your own children, just as they've observed other parents doing for the last hour of the day when reunited with those children.
- Let your own children know that even though they have to make sacrifices of their home-space and you, the benefits of your income to the family affects them. Then list out the "extras" that you are able to afford because of your income.
- Include your children in your business. Let them know how you rely on them to help your mealtime run smoothly because they help with younger children. Or, how you appreciate the way they befriend new children and make them feel comfortable in your house.
- Toy sharing can be a large problem between your child and the day care kids. One solution is to ask your child along on a special shopping trip to pick out toys for the day care kids. If that's too costly, maybe the child can sort through his/her toy box and contribute toys to the day care business. Reserve your child's favorite toys and put them in a special place only to be brought out when day care kids are not present.
When day care children see your child playing with toys they aren't allowed to play with, they receive the message that it is "OK" for your child to be selfish. As a result, they can feel like second-class citizens in your home, which is detrimental to any child's self-esteem. So give your own child that special private place and toys, but be careful about when they use it; don't allow your children to flaunt their privileges in front of the day care children.
Unfortunately, there is not much information available for these aspects of family child care. If you would like more information, one suggestion is to look for books on "sibling rivalry." This is a good source of information which can be well adapted to family child care.
(This article is excerpted from the Atlanta conference tape #50: "How Can We Make Family Child Care Work For Our Own Kids, Too?" If you want to borrow this tape, call us at 1-800-634-3359).
From the July, 1992, issue of The Teddy Bear.
